The Admonishments of Kherishdar
M.C.A. Hogarth

RAPE

diqut [ DEE koot ], (noun) — a herbal compound commonly given to males who want children but are having physical issues performing the act that begets them. Has also come to mean any physically unpleasant or difficult duty that has desirable results.

      I am hung on my knees, and by his grace allowed to clutch the chain that stretches me upright so close to the wall my chest brushes it when I suck in my breath. It's cold.
      I am already crying, and trying to hide it.
      "So," Shame says. "Why?"
      My hands spasm on the chain. "He was my best friend."
      "That's why you shouldn't have. Why did you?"
      I bite my lip, ears flattening. When his voice suddenly ruffles one of them, I jump. "Did you find his body that irresistible?"
      I try not to twist. "I wanted him."
      "He said no."
      "He rejected me," I whisper.
      His hands slide down my sides, flow over the hip-bones. "He trusted you."
      I swallow.
      "Why?" he hisses against my cheek.
      One of his hands is beneath my navel. I flinch. "He had no right to embarrass me!"
      Shame shoves me against the wall, pinning me there with his hips, and his hand is crushed against my groin. I writhe, shocked. "STOP!"
      "Why?" he asks, breathing against my temple.
      I'm here because I'm supposed to be, because it's supposed to be safe to be Corrected, and I let him tie me up and now... now...
      Gods, gods. I can't stop him. I can't stop him.
      "Can't you tell I don't want it?" I cry, because his hand is on me.
      His smile mounds his cheek against mine. He yanks my tail aside. "Does it feel like I care?"
      "NO!"
      The word isn't mine, though I'm screaming. My face is flat against the wall, and I open my eyes and—"Oh... no... no..."
      The shadows glide off Vessan as he kneels beside me. "Please, osulkedi, don't. Don't."
      And just like that the presence melts from my back, leaving me facing one of the loves of my life... whom I'd raped, because his refusal had been unbearable.
      "Vessan," I whisper.
      "Aral," he says. He's been crying also.
      "Why, why are you here?"
      "The osulkedi asked me if I was... if I was willing to give you a trial-period."
      "A what?" I whisper, stunned.
      "To trust you not to assault me," he says, looking down.
      "And you said yes?" I whisper, incredulous.
      He looks up at me. "Should I be afraid? Will you hurt me again?"
      His face blurs through my tears. "No," I say. His forgiveness is far less bearable than his rejection... and because of that, I will, must bear it. Vessan reaches up and unlocks my chains, and for the first time in months holds me in his arms. I can't believe he's here, but I vow to earn his trust again, to honor his great heart.
      On the way out, I stop beside the silhouette that is Shame's servant. "Would you... would you have raped me to Correct me?"
      He meets my eyes and says, "In a heart-beat, I would. And I will if you end up here again."
      I shudder and go with Vessan... and never return.


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© 2007, M. C. A. Hogarth